From The 5 Kingdoms Tome of Knowledge
- 1 Star Wars Game (in college)
- 2 A Battletech Game
- 3 Rothgorod Game
- 4 Space Game
- 5 Wizards' Game
- 6 Crypto Game Part II
- 7 Pirates of Cathan II
- 8 A Very Cthluhu Christmas
- 9 Rothgorod Game
- 10 Island of the Titans
- 11 Kael Game
- 12 Rules for the Grand Campaign
- 13 Rothgorod, part 2
- 14 Grand Campaign
- 15 Aberrant Hunters
- 16 Aruthien: The Last Frontier
- 17 The Lost Mines of Phandelver
Star Wars Game (in college)
Rook Pimbrook: "Delivery!" Gaurd: "What kind of delivery?" Rook Pimbrook: "Dead Rodian..." Chase Sanders: "We have cargo for Uncle Greedy." Guard: "What kind of cargo?" Dustin: "'S' Cargo"
Chase Sanders: "What are you doing behind my wookie!" Chase Sanders: "I fixed the wookie!"
Old Lady: "Did I ever tell you about my moffitt?" Rook : "Yes!" Old Lady: "I once used a tazeron my moffitt and the moffitt died. Poor moffitt." Rook: "Did you ever use a tazer on yourself?" Old Lady: "Yes and I liked it." Rook: "Have you ever shot yourself with a blaster set on stun?" Old Lady: "Yes, not again."
Wookie opens the shower to show Chase what needs to be fixed, however, Chase is actually using the shower. Chase: "Hey! Don't come in here unless you're expecting to towel me off." Kashyyyka: "Arrrrg org!" Chase: "No, get out!"
Medical Droid to Ema: "You've been upgraded to extra frisky." GM Jay to Ema: "Now you smell minty fresh for a month."
Chase: "We've secured the cable to the ship, what do we need to do now?" Commander: "Go hand-over-hand to the next ship and take something heavy to knock on the door." Chase: "I'll take the wookie."
Ema: "I shot a tie fighter!!! I shot a tie fighter!!!" Uncle Greedy: "She smellths stho minthy fresth too!"
Chase: "I have a skill in gambling!" (A few minutes later after loosing 100credits) Chase: "I had a gambling scheme though."
Rook: "We got 60 what coming in?" Uncle Greedy: "Whath?" Rook: "Star Destroyers!" Uncle Greedy: "No." Rook: "What are those anyway?" Uncle Greedy: "Thoze ahre tiefighters." Rook: "Ohhhh....I'll just go back to sleep now, wake me up when we're all dead." (What Greg's character does coming into a game not knowing what's going on.) Rook: "So, umm, what should we, ummm...........oh, never mind."
Kashyyyka: "Arrrg ugr rawr!" (They're mounting the gun on the Sidewinder.) Chase: "I don't want to hear about anyone mounting anything." Kashyyka: "Urrrg ummmn." (But they're mounting it anyway.)
Chase: "I feel like I just licked a wookie. Ick."
Wink as Kashyyka: "Take a thermal detonator, shove it up his butt, and turn it on." GM Jay: "In that order?"
Rook: "I once saw a wookie slap a guy on the back of the head and the head FLEW OFF!"
Chase: "Where are we taking you?" Uncle Greedy: "Coruscant." Chase: "What! In to the pits of hell itself!" Uncle Greedy: "No, there's a convention there."
Uncle Greedy: "Do you have any of those pastries in a plastic bag? I have what you call the 'Munchies'."
Chase: "I'm going to go see Uncle Greedy." Rook: "I'll go and so will the droid." Kashyyyka: "Roaaarrrr!" Ema: "Road trip!"
Chase: "When are we getting the money?" Jabba: "Does it look like I have pockets?" Rook: "Can't you keep it in one of your fat rolls or something?" <Pause> Rook: "Good thing he's ignoring me."
Rook: "Let's knock on the door." Chase: "There's no door." Rook: "It's like an igloo." Voice: "It's made of frozen blocks of sand."
Brian: "My character's 6'2" and weighs 125 pounds." Jay: "What are you, a bean pole?" Brian: "Oh, that's supposed to be 225."
Chase: "OK, everyone set up you ewebs on KILL, KILL, KILL."
A Battletech Game
Jay: "You're too big to be wearing stuff with Osh-Kosh written on it."
Xavier: "Nothing can wake me up, I have a wife."
Ivan: "Where are his guns? Oh yah, he's unarmed." Voice: "He is now!" (After both arms are blown off of an elemental.)
Jay: "I believe that would be on the backside chart, Greg."
Xavier:"The blinking light could mean 'You are Here' or 'Destroy This'."
Brian: "This tastes like FRAP!" ( Referring to Sara's Frapaccino)
Bill: "Hey, a 3 Liter has 50% more in it than a 2 Liter. How's that possible?" Jay: "My truck has 100% more wheels than your motorcycle."
Xavier to Tex: "We get an assist just for watching."
"Drul haven't had ale this weak since Drul was nursing." -Drul
"Oh, it's a double flail, it has two handles!" -Gavril (seeing his first set of nunchuku)
Gavrel: "Drul, what would you say to some sausages?" Drul: ?Hello, Sausages!?
"It's just a lone traveler... taking a stroll... through a giant infested pass... in the middle of a snowstorm." -Gavril (upon seeing Jetta)
"I'm sure they're just traveling hill giant siege engine salesmen." -Jetta
Gunther: "Gavril, what's your largest area effect spell?" Gavril: "Hmmmm? That would be 'Light'." Gunther: "No, I mean one that does damage." Gavril: "Ooooh!"
"I get paid by the goblin." -Giant running the catapult
"Drul not idol. Drul not turn away those who wish to worship." -Drul
"I'm allergic to fire! I break out in burns all over." -Cam
"Barbarians don't know it's not bacon!"
"This year's festival will be bloodtastic!" -Flip (as a bluff)
"We steal lumber and fence it!" -Bandits of the Arnland Forest
Bandits: "I think 'stand and deliver' is much better than 'drop your weapons'." Gracen: "Stand and deliver!"
"I got a good feeling about this rat!" -Dustin
"Captain-Sahib, it would be catastrophic to push this button." "I'll take your word for it." -Narayan Rei
"I can't take the oath because Grandfather Flen told me to watch my swearing." -Ash Stoneskipper
"Yeah, I know Dethgar. You go over the river, over the hills, past the tree-town, through the woods, over more hills and up some mountains. And to get home, you do the reverse." "What happens if you forget that?" "Well, that's how you end up in a Wizard's School in Barloz!" -Ash Stoneskipper
Hunter: "We've got plenty of time..." Ossius: "No we don't, we're all dying every second!"
"I mean, it's not like I'm using magic as a crutch or anything." (casts open/close as he walks through a door) -Ash
"Oh no! It's the swirling balls of death!" -Arasmus bluffing with 'Dancing Lights'
"I got stabbed RIGHT HERE!" -Ash
"Of course I have a suspicious mind, my roommate's a GNOME ILLUSIONIST!" -Ash
"Alas, poor Armondo, I knew him, Arasmus, A fellow of infinite hair and wavy cloak." -Ash (on the near-death of Armondo)
"When you make your own pantheon of evil gods, you can give one of them a cobra-headed whip." -Dustin (to Melinda)
"Orcas are the policemen of the ocean. That's why they're black and white." -Brian
Mark: "Anybody want anything from McDonald's?" Dustin: "Bring me the head of the HAMBURGLAR!"
Crypto Game Part II
"I'm makin' my spirit animal into BOOTS!" -Truck
Pirates of Cathan II
"I don't recognize your colors." "That's blue." -Bahari (to the Sparthaan Sloop crew)
"Speculation is the better part of valor... I guess?" -Soren
"You know, puns drive us into a feeding frenzy." -An Orca (to Bahari)
Dustin: "Elram, what do you do?" Greg: "Try not to move my hand."
"Ahhhh! Orca! Form a ball! Form a ball!" -the tuna
"It has recently come to my attention that I cannot see at night." -Jove
"Oh, YOU'RE Tytania?"
"C'mon moron, you're being rescued." -Elram (upon rescuing his brother)
"You know, I've gotta say... I've traveled with some pretty strange priests, but this one's the strangest." -Cas (about Jove)
Dustin: "Gargantuan is how many squares?" Greg: "Things you don't want to hear your GM say..."
A Very Cthluhu Christmas
"I don't think the ship will respond WITH A KRAKEN ON IT!" -Max
Mark: "I don't like beer." Clay: "Well, some men don't like women."
"Why can't you be more like your brother Jesu"?
Brian: "Do you have a great axe?" Chris: "Yes. I work out."
"We don't do side quests." --Clay
Island of the Titans
Tag: "The good thing about these inscriptions is that none of them show us getting killed by opening tombs." Kailek: "You know, sometimes you just gotta go with Flen logic."
GM (Mark): "She has a Celestial breastplate." Alaric (Dustin): "I can wear that as two helmets!"
"Free don't buy me nothin'" --Ganet
Rules for the Grand Campaign
1. If you play a rogues' campaign, nobody plays a rogue. 2. If everyone says 'we need a rogue!' and you play a rogue, then so will two other people. 3. The players will not join an organization, no matter which side asks. 4. The character's never do side quests. For that matter, they barely do main quests.
Rothgorod, part 2
"That's why we never use splint mail. Because it sucks!" --Greg
Clay: "Remember what that priest told us?" Dustin: "Who, Nokkris?" Clay: "No, a real priest."
Jay: "I'm not going to help set up camp, because..." Clay: "You never do!"
Greg: "I'm at 54 out of 70 hit points." Jay: "Awww, let me create water you a river."
Players pick watches before bedding down for the night. Brian: The night passes uneventfully. Clay: Why'd we bother?
Greg: "I don't have to make a save vs. fear, cuz I'm a paladin!" <10 minutes later> Greg: "I can walk on air, cuz I'm a paladin!"
Mauril: "Save the Ankhegs! They make good armor!" Holly: "Now that they're dead, they won't be making anything!" Mauril: "Yah, they do take a big penalty to their craft skills when they're dead."
Jay (imitating Alder): "Next one who scares the crap outta me gets the sword!"
"Stampede? Aww, I had that idea already!" - Braden "Great, you're as smart as the Minotaurs." - Rath
"Letting the team take one for you?" - Holly, on Braden being happy Rath took the Minotaur's attack of opportunity first.
"I won't accept anything less than a GOLD acorn!" -Brenin
Dustin: "It's ok, I'm a Druid, I can kill anything I want!" Jay: "Isn't that endangered? It's ok, I'm a Druid!"
Brian: "AHHHH!" Jay: "That get rid of you hiccups?" Brian: "I only hiccuped once!"
Greg: "I have magic items that glow in the presence of a light source." Dustin: "The elves must have made those. Out of irony." "We'll never survive tunnels of that magma tube!"
Mark: "We gotta get these motherf'n snakemen off of the motherf'n Prime Material Plane!"
"I disbelieve the allusion." "This doesn't have anything to do with Moby Dick!"
<Aligindel day parade narration> Jay: "Everyone thinks the Eladrin float is the most beautiful, but they say beauty is in the eye of... here it comes! THE BEHOLDER!!!"
"The only good thing about magic is it gave me a hippo for AT LEAST an hour!" -Braden
Jay (counting on his fingers) - "Yo yo yo, where you at...dawg?" Clay (wandering into the room) - "Sending again?"
Shawn: "We're on a first-name basis with the gods now." Austin: "Don't the gods only have one name?" Shawn: "You're missing the point."
Brynnia: "I hope that you bring news." Edelbrock: "Nope. Only weather and sports."
Mauril: "What's the opposite of rope trick?" Alder: "Chain hole?"
"I think playing this character is making me dumber." -Greg, referring to Alder
"Oni! Stuff it with cheese!" -Brian
Clay: "The door opens in." Austin: "Our in, or your in?" Clay: "No, in, not out." Greg: "So... Mexican up?"
Greg (to self): "Stop using the blood die for Will saves!"
Alder: "Okay, just don't milk any minotaurs at all." Braden: "My survival skill just went up by one!"
(Talking about a city we've been to once, three in-game years ago.) Austin: "Wait. Why would there be posters of us?" Brian: "Because we're awesome!"
Alder - "What if it's a whole room of children?" Edelbrock - "Then I'm just going to start killing."
Holly (annoyed, to Edlebrock): "Are you ready to selflessly sacrifice yourself for me yet?"
"This is sounding less and less like a dumb idea, and more and more like something you'd find at a state fair." -Austin (in response to beer-filled waffles)
"Barron Arno, we've got some questions for you. What is it with this city's obsession with waffles?" -Mako
Arno: "I'm paying you ten grand a head..." Mako: "Ten grand an ABBERANT head?! Some of those have lots of heads!!" Sek: "Remember, anything with a mouth or eye on it counts as a head!"
Aruthien: The Last Frontier
"You see a pile of dead fish bones. ...as opposed to a pile of live fish bones, I guess." -Austin "Yeah. That's just called a fish." -Mark
"It's just a dwarf doing dwarf things." -Madoc
The Lost Mines of Phandelver
Austin: "It's sort of like a cone, but it's a square." Greg: "So it's not like a cone at all." Austin: "...shutup"
"When this is all over, I'm going to come back and burn this place down." -Shawn